LGBT, Gay, Writing, Poetry, Journal, Snark


“The White Fox Clan”

To all Two-Spirits who do not know their purpose in Creation.

We are Two-Spirits,
We are the Keepers of the Spark of Life,
We are the balance-point, on which life depends,
We care for the children in their beginnings,
We care for the elders in their ending,
We help the infertile to conceive,
We help the overly fertile to stop bearing,
We mediate between the sexes,
We nurture all creative forces,
We care about the one,
We care about the all,
We foster change,
We guard tradition,
We do our work through necessity,
We play through opportunity,
We are the clowns, heyohka,
We are the teachers, wise ones,
We are the healers of any ill,
We are the bearers of luck,
We are the namers of names,
We are the challengers of wrongs,
We are the Dreamers of Visions,
We are the counselors of the heart sick,
We are the finders of things lost,
We are the Keepers of secrets,
We are of the northern artic fox clan,
We are the Rainbow Nation,
We are Two-Spirits.

“As told to me many years ago by Carl Star Catcher, retold here in my own words. This is our purpose in the world, as decreed by Creator, for the good of the people.” Lightning (aka Lael)

Advertisements

Love is Risk


Love is risk.

It means taking the chance you might get hurt or that you may expose yourself to the possibility of being hurt, intentional or unintentional.

It means that you have a connection that is complex. Love is never simple. It tangles and ensnares and binds you to another. It creates ties that will last even past the time it feels it should be gone.

It means you are concerned for those that you love.

It means you look out of for them. You put them above others that might try to claim your attention when things are happening. You make sure they are ok and that they are not hurting. You show your love by your actions.

It means you have the hard conversations, the ones that might hurt. You seek to better know the ones you love, to help them heal, to help them grow, to help them be themselves more fully.

It means you give trust. Love does not grow in a vacuum. It takes tending and care so that it can become the most awesome thing in all of creation.

It means forgiving mistakes, misunderstandings and the various little ways that human interaction can get fucked up. But it also means trying your best not to repeat those things you know are wrong for that love.

It means stepping outside of your comfort zone and really living. It has to grow or become stunted and withers.

It means you see the person as something other than as a possession. They are themselves, they belong to themselves, they share themselves but you do not own them in the sense that you can cage their feelings. Love sets you free, it does not imprison.

It means that you attempt to change together or allow each other to part, still with love and without bitterness, regret or the million other negative emotions that can poison interaction.

Love means risk.
I take that risk gladly.


Here is yet another tale of misfortune and speedy learning curve.

Chris (… first love got most of my first time stuff. Plus, the relationship really did fall into the Comedy of Errors category most of the time. Just sayin’.) and I had only been a couple for a very short time when this particular incident happened. I hadn’t been with very many guys prior to him either. A few, but nothing spectacular or special at all. He was my first relationship. Which means I was far more willing to try new things. Heh. Not always to good effect either.

Let’s see, we were only 19 at the time. We couldn’t do a lot at his house because of his parents. Fundamentalist Christians. I don’t think I need to elaborate much further on them, now do I? The havoc getting caught at his parents’ place would have brought down the city in a holocaust of hellfire. So, we couldn’t do stuff there. My place was a bit awkward too. So, we ended up in my car. Ah, sweet innocent youth. I had a ’78 Cadillac Coup ‘de Ville at the time. Had got it for a hundred bucks and was my first car. The tails that vehicle could tell would make a porn star blush. But I digress.

We had parked in a nice quiet out of the way side street that never had any traffic. It was probably 11pm or so. We got to talking, just enjoying each other’s company and exploring the newness of being together. One thing led to another and we started macking on each other. Whatever else, Chris could take my breath away with his kisses. The boy knew his business and was serious about it. Good kissers are a priceless resource and should be cherished. Anyway, we did that for quite a while.

Well, you can only kiss for so long, especially really good kisses, before things just naturally progressed toward needing to do something with the paws. Paws are good for pawing. Goes well with kissing too. So, we reached the pawing, groping, massaging state of things, accompanied by copious amounts of tongue fighting and other assorted kissing techniques. Yum! It is amazing how long a good kissing session will go. Lost all track of time or reality. By now, the windows were nicely steamed and we are both definitely short on breath.

He makes a suggestion about what the next order of business should be. I kinda don’t want to get too outrageous in the car. I counter with something a lot less conspicuous than something that is going to have the car bouncing on its rims and creating impact craters!  He sighs but agrees. Phew! Dude, we are on a semi-public street, in RIVERSIDE! I am just not that willing to get caught in the act in this city. The cops are just plain scarey, and that is when you’re NOT doing anything wrong. So, we decide on just some mutal fondling and massage of the equipment.

It is somehow different when someone else’s hand is touching you than when you self-serve. Just that lil bit more erotic. You don’t have any real control over how it is being done. If you pay enough attention though, you learn what THEY like by how they handle you. His method was firm but also delicate. Slow motion with an occaisional sudden swift once up and back down. God! So, we did that for a bit.

But we also decided it was going to be a little bit of a problem if we did this for a while. Friction burn is not your friend. Mine either. Or his. I had gone to my favorite metaphysical bookstore that day and hadn’t been home yet. In the bag was some essential oil stuff. I made my own bath salts and so I was restocking some basics. The bright idea (re: ignorant!) came to me that, hey, it’s oil, we could use that! I rummaged through it and pulled out the first lil vial that came to hand. Hmmm, almond essential oil. I twist the cap and the scent filled the car. He was game for it and I put some on his palm. Then mine, then recapped the vial.

We went back to our previous endeavors. Ahh, that was nice. Even a lil tingly. And somewhat warming. Wow, you can’t imagine how good that hand felt as it massaged all the important bits and pieces of the equipment. Wait a second, receiving an incoming, marked-urgent bulletin from the nether region. “Fire! We are on fire down here! Cease all activity and call the fire department forthwith!” Holy shit! I yelped! Just about that time, Chris also yelped and started to swear. What the fuck was happening?!? We pulled up and buttoned up with an amazing speed.

I then drove at Mach 3 to my apartment, where we made it upstairs to my front door only hitting the steps twice with our feet. Into my bathroom we went and dropped the pants with a haste usually reserved for fornicating on a busy schedule. On went the tap. Dear gods above, the poor devils were roasting in that oil. Sweat was pouring off of both of us. Cold water did little to nothing, so I took a chance on warm. That helped actually. It took nearly half an hour for us both to regain composure and for the 4 alarm fire on our crotches to fade and finally go. Needless to say, we didn’t feel in the mood any more!

Later, as I was going to dispose of the offending vial, I saw a tiny printed warning: May cause skin irritation if not diluted. No shit!

 


The Botanic Gardens

 After that mind blowing night Chris and I spent wrestling on my satin bedspread, we were closer than ever. We spent nearly every waking moment together that I wasn’t working at the comic book store or the bar. Obviously, having two jobs really cut down on my free time, but that was what it to took to carry my weight with my roommate. The growing relationship with Chris was getting on her nerves since she had her own designs on me.

 Melinda started questioning every move I made and was beyond cold to Chris whenever he came over. It was getting ridiculous. She was my roommate, not my wife! There was never any chance that I was going to get into an intimate relationship with her. I had been upfront about that but it didn’t stop her from wanting more than I could give.

 One night I decided it was time to take Chris out to one of my favorite places. There wouldn’t be any privacy if we stayed at the apartment. I had visions of Melinda glowering in her room with her ear against a glass held to the wall, fuming about us making out. The image was enough to make me very uncomfortable about it. Going out seemed like the only way to have some alone time that wouldn’t be encroached on by a tidal wave of estrogen hot flashes and unrequited lust.

 “Let’s go,” I murmured to Chris softly in hopes of sneaking out without yet another confrontation.

“Ok.” Chris agreed readily. Even he had caught the edges of the tension between Melinda and I.

I took his hand and left my room. Melinda was sitting in the living room glowering at the TV. Her gray eyes snapped to us as we headed for the front door. They widened as they took in our entwined fingers. Her mouth twisted into a full scowl.

“Where are you two off to?” she demanded abruptly.

Chris nearly jumped at the tone of voice thrown at us. I let go of his hand and opened the front door for him. He almost bolted through the screen door in his rush to get the hell out of that frozen wasteland of a living room. The screen door shrieked a protest as he barely managed to get it open while going through.

“I’ll meet you downstairs babe,” I told him. Chris nodded and headed down the stairs to the courtyard. Passing the pool, he waited at the gate for me.

My lips pressed together until I was almost biting the inside of them. I carefully and quietly closed the front door. Resisting the urge to slam it was nearly beyond my ability, but I was proud that I managed to just nudge it shut. Our neighbors didn’t need to hear the conversation that was about to happen.

“We’re going out, obviously,” I finally replied as I turned to face her with my arms folded over my chest.

“Where to?” she demanded again.

“I frankly don’t see how that is your business, Melinda,” I snapped back.

Her eyes widened and she glared. Her hands clenched in her lap as she fought to keep control of her own temper. I could tell she didn’t really want to fight but she was getting desperate to keep me for herself, despite my blunt rejection of her advances. Her self-control was waning in the wake of her hopes.

“It would be courteous to let me know where you are going, if you plan on using my car,” she finally managed to get out.

She had me there. That much was true. “I am taking Chris over to see the Botanical Gardens up at the university. We won’t be gone that long since it is almost closing time.”

“Oh. Ok.”

“Did you have other plans for the evening that you might need the car? You obviously have prior claim on it if so.” I came back with.

“Nice of you to ask first, but no,” she shot back waspishly. “Go ahead and take it. Please put gas in it.”

“Of course. Thanks. See you later.” I could tell my short answers were hitting home to her that she had pushed me too far.

I went out the front door now, carefully shutting it, proud that I still didn’t slam it the way I really wanted to. As it finally closed and latched, I caught a last glimpse of her staring off into space, her face a study in defeat and misery. That didn’t make me feel any better, but I was glad I hadn’t flayed her verbally the way I was inclined to originally.

Chris smiled at me as I came trotting downing the stairs. They were wrought iron with cement slabs for the steps and it twanged each time I hit one and moved down to the next. You could always tell how fast someone was going by the twang and how close together they came. He held open the gate and I took his hand again as we left the apartment complex. We moved on to the car and I got it unlocked, opening the passenger door for him.

Before I started it up after I got in, I checked the time. I was wrong. The Gardens would be closed for at least half an hour before we could possibly get there. I considered the options. I really wanted him to see my favorite place in the entire town. The delay with Melinda had really screwed up the timing. Well, and the make-out session before that. Still…

I talked with Chris, just sitting in the car for nearly an hour more before even starting off. We covered a lot of different territory, from favorite comic book heroes and stories, favorite foods, dislikes and moved all the way into more exotic topics such as favorite sexual fantasies. Once we got onto that ground, I decided we needed to get moving or we would never leave and end up making out in the car parked right there. Not a swift move considering anyone could walk by and see into the car easily.

 I drove us to the university, taking my time. It was after dark now and the area was deserted. I still thought I could pull this off. Chris had as much of an adventuresome spirit as I did. We hiked all over the city wherever whim took us and didn’t think anything of it. I knew he would agree to my idea, even with a change of actual plan due to the lateness of the hour now.

 I pulled into the Gardens’ parking lot and parked in an out of the way spot, not easily noticed unless you really looked hard. I had no idea what the security would be like, but I imagined it was really next to nothing. Who on earth would try to get in after hours?

 “So, babe, this is the place I’ve talked about before. I love it here and wanted you to see it with me. Unfortunately, we got here way to late and it’s closed now. Are you game for hopping the fence and exploring in the dark?”

 “Sure, why not? Sounds fun actually,” he grinned which just about melted my heart. That smile of his sent bolts of electricity through me every time. It really brought out the best of his physical features and showed some of his soul too. I leaned into him and kissed those smiling lips. He brought his hands to cup my face and kissed back.

 We got out the car, finally, pretty much breathless from our long kissing session. The stars were well out now and we watched as the full moon broke over the horizon, a white-silver disk that was just awesome coming from behind the hills before us. Light shone everywhere, not as bright as day but more than enough for us to see clearly. His hand was warm in mine as we walked toward the entrance to the Gardens. Contentment just welled up and I squeezed gently as our hands swung back and forth.

 The gate was locked, naturally, when we got to it. Vast iron bars, high crossbars set into cinderblock columns, swept off in both directions. The fence and gate were probably about seven feet high. Both Chris and I were around six feet. I looked carefully, trying to decide how to get over. The bars were far too close together to simply slide in that way. No cross bars to give us a place to put a foot to get us half way either. Puzzling. I glanced at Chris, who was doing his own examination of the situation.

 “I think we’ll have to use the column to get over,” Chris said, pointing to the column attached to the gate hinges. I studied it carefully then nodded.

 Putting my foot on the hinge, I reached for the flat top of the column. Pulling with all my puny strength, I managed to get my stomach high enough to lay myself onto it. My foot levered against the gate bars just enough to keep me from losing ground as I tried to get up onto the top of the column. Swinging my legs, they went over the top of the gate as I turned my stomach on the column. I then pushed off the top and dropped down into the Gardens with an ‘oomph’ as my legs jarred into my torso. Still, not bad for a skinny weakling!

 I looked around to see if any staff were still onsite as Chris followed me over the gate. He was in much better shape than me, at least in my opinion. There was a certain grace to his wiry figure and he landed next to me without a sound. No one was around, we lucked out. It looked like no one was working after hours on this day and had cleared the place out at closing. I grinned at Chris, grabbed his hand and tugged him into the Botanical Gardens.

 I started him off going through the wooded section, trees of all kinds laid out in a random pattern. They were all marked and the feeling was really very natural, though the Gardens’ staff all carefully planned it.  Green lawn flanked the asphalt path leading on to other sections. The Gardens were set at the base of the hills behind the university and actually climbed right up them.

 The scents were very different at night versus the daytime visits. Night-blooming jasmine was distinctive, heady on the barest breeze. The grass scent was even different, more fragrant than the usual dry, desert odor. They watered at closing, giving the plants more opportunity to absorb that precious fluid without it evaporating instantly in our daytime heat. Eucalyptus had a sharp bite into the scent pallet of the evening too, along with pine and even some orange tree blossoms that were flowering.

 Chris wandered with me, smiling as I chattered on about the rose section, so many varieties and colors. It was one of my favorite spots in the lower Gardens. Though he was interested, I could see he was getting restless. On the spur of the moment, I challenged him to a race to the top of the Gardens. He laughed as he accepted. On the count of three, we bolted. He pushed me to the side as he came up on me, not hard but enough to throw my balance into confusion. He sped past me, giggling between breaths.

 The paths wound and turned as they went up the side of the hill, sometime looping back down into a valley-like crease and up again. I lost sight of the bugger as he dropped down one of those valleys and around a turn. Fig trees with low hanging branches were in this section. I kept running, eyes searching to see where he was. The path split, but I followed the branch that continued climbing the hill. Ahead was a stand of bamboo, tall poles, some as think as my forearm, rising twenty and thirty feet into the air.

 As I came even with the bamboo, I was tackled from the side. I fell into the embankment on the opposite side to the stand and sprawled out flat with Chris on top of me. All the air was pushed out of me and I was gasping for air. His weight on my stomach and chest was making that a bit hard, but I honestly didn’t notice or care much. The contact with his body was turning me on in a big way. Even though I couldn’t breathe, I sure could feel the rush of my blood through my veins and where that blood was finally ending up. I know he could feel it happening, since his groin was crushed up into mine on landing.

 His eyes stared down into mine, much darker in the moonlit shadows of the bamboo over us. Without a word, he pushed his mouth to mine, kissing me. The little breath I had managed to get was once more sucked out of me. He ground his hips into me, making fireworks explode behind my eyes as I could feel an answering hardness rubbing along mine, through two pairs of old jeans. There was no doubt that we both were on the same wavelength at that moment. Hell, we were definitely ready for anything at this point. Still, there was a better place for frolicking than this embankment. Chris shifted his weight and I promptly shoved his hips hard with my hands. He fell sideways and I bolted to my feet, taking off up the path.

 “Catch me if you can, ambusher!” I yelled back over my shoulder at him as he got to his feet in the quickly receding distance.

 I could hear the pounding of his sneakers on the path behind me, gradually getting louder as he closed the distance between us. I knew he would catch me, but not before I got us where I wanted to go.  The hillside cleared of trees at this point and even the larger bushes were much further apart. This section of the Gardens was still very under-developed, set aside for future plantings. The sky opened up overhead and stars, countless stars were twinkling brightly. Even the moon was now directly overhead. Everything was painted in a wash of silver light and shadows.

 Chris caught me again, as I knew he would. His arms came flying out of the night and wrapped around my waist as he tackled me yet again. This time I was expecting it, so I was able to break our fall relatively easily and without either of us getting hurt or damaged. I twisted in his arms and laid back on the ground to watch the sky from our new perch on the upper hillside. The lights of the city sparkled below us, a poor imitation of the sky’s splendor above. Still, it was entrancing.

 He stayed in the position we landed, his arms around my waist, his head sideways on my lap. My last minute move had pretty much kept his face out of my butt, which I admit would probably been a softer landing place than my groin. It was intoxicating, lying there with his cheek pressed against my clothed hard dick. His breathing was heavy, deep, still trying to recover from his hard run to catch up with me. I ran my fingers slowly through his pale blond hair as I stared up at the sky.

Clenching me briefly with his arms, he let go. Well, tried to. I arched my back a bit to get my weight off of him. That got his arms free with the added bonus of pushing my crotch into his face. He used his now free hands to push me flat again and then pop the top button my jeans. I found my breath froze in my lungs as he grabbed the zipper in his teeth and pulled downward. Holding the waistband tightly, he tugged until the zipper was completely down. The feel of it as it happened was a whole new sensation that gave me shivers.

“This what you had in mind?” Chris whispered as he mouthed my dick through my underwear. I couldn’t even answer because I was so busy feeling through my skin down there.

“Thought so,” he murmured as he continued moving his lips up and down my shaft through the cloth. He had pulled his lips in over his teeth and was nibbling me with that added cushion to make sure he didn’t hurt me. Well, that worked just fine. My hands fell flat to the ground, clutching at the grass. While his mouth was busy, he used his hands to pull down my jeans to my ankles. All the while, he explored me through my underwear, which was getting wetter by the minute from his spit.

I writhed in the waves of tingling electricity he was causing, lost in sensation. His hands pushed up my t-shirt and rubbed my sides and stomach. I could practically feel the ridges of his fingerprints; my skin was so sensitive now. When he felt he had me where he wanted, he lifted the edge of my waistband and freed the monster he had created. The air was cool against me as my erection sprang upward, no longer confined. His lips now directly ran along my length. Then came his hot, wet tongue, tracing the contours of me.

Licking for all he was worth, he moved on to my balls. One hand now cradled my shaft, stroking without actually grasping with his open palm. Chris sucked at the skin on my balls, taking in one then the other, alternating gently. After an immensely long time, he moved back up, licking the crown of my dick, circling it rapidly with his tongue. My breathing was becoming ragged, as I gasped for air. Then all air cut off as he engulfed me completely, sucking me down, down, all the way to the base in one long slow swallow.

The heat of his mouth and throat was intense after the cooler air. The friction where he touched me was growing and then he moved up and down. My control was slipping. Air escaped in a low moan. I let go of the grass and went for his hair again. The fine strands wove around my fingers as I ran through them and cupped his ears. Pressure was building but I wasn’t ready to let things end so quickly or without him.

“Let up, babe,” I whispered as I gently pushed at his head to get him to let go.

He wasn’t so willing to give up his hold on me and continued bobbing on my shaft even as I was struggling into a half sitting position. Chris was stretched out on the slope on my legs, effectively pinning me to the hillside. I gave up on trying to stop things from the front end and went after his pants. Wiggling, I twisted to the side as much as possible until I could get my hands under him. I found the belt and got it undone, barely. Popping the pants button was easier. Getting his zipper down stalled me out. All the while, he was attached to my groin like a lamprey.

My flexibility comes in handy at the oddest times. Chris finally came up for air. I immediately grabbed him by the shoulders and flung him onto his side and off of my legs. I kept the motion going and flipped myself on top of him to pin him in place, much as he had had me just moments before. I laughed, and swooped in on his lips. Kissing him, I pinned his wrists to the ground.

“My turn!” I whispered when I broke the kiss. He nodded, dazed from my aggressive moves.

I let go of his hands and slid down his body. When my head was level with his pants, I finished what I started and got his zipper down. Lucky I hadn’t gotten far the first time since he was commando. I might have hurt him accidentally. Talk about a mood killer! Blessing good fortune, I got his pants undone and wiggle them down his legs until they were at his ankles, just as he had done with me. His dick was just as rigid as mine and ready for attention. I admired its shape, as I always did when it came into sight. Scimitar like with a slight curve to his left. I ran my tongue alone it, tracing it from base to tip.

Chris moaned, instantly tamed by my mouth. I liked making him do that. His skin was so white in the moonlight, almost glowing. I pushed up his jacket and shirt. His paleness extended over his whole body. Those strong Nordic genes were very dominant. He never tanned. I grabbed the base of his shaft and held him upright so he was pointed at the moon overhead. Then I sucked him in, lips curled over my teeth. I toyed with the crown, pulling my mouth back and forth on the flared ridge, his moans getting louder by the minute.

I began going lower and lower on his shaft. Eventually, my nose was resting in his groin, tickled by his nest of blond hair. I swallowed hard and came back up all the way. I let him go and tongued the tip, letting myself completely explore there in all directions, seeking the most sensitive places, especially the area just under the flange on the bottom of his shaft. The silken smoothness of the skin and the rubbery edge were a delightful contrast. I sucked him back into my mouth and went all the way down on him, twisting my head to accommodate the curve as best I could. Over and over and over, up and down, up and down.

“Stop! I am too close! I want to fuck you!” Chris hissed between clenched teeth.

I came up and let him go, reluctantly. I knew he was close because of the sweetish taste of his precum was all over my tongue for the last several minutes. He gasped for a minute, struggling to bring himself back for the edge I had pushed him to and regain control. Chris sat up and moved me to the side. Knowing me so well, he dug into my pants pocket to find the small tube of lube I had stashed there. He knew I always kept some around since our first time together.

Chris struggled to his knees, handicapped by his pants. Then he set his hands to my hips and got me on my hands and knees. Moving in behind me, he got his feet as far apart as he could with his pants at his ankles. I kept my feet together, so he had his on the outside of mine. The grass under my knees and hands was cool to the touch and I dug my fingers down to try to anchor me for the ride ahead.

He popped the cap and squeezed some lube onto his fingers. Bringing them to my backside, he spread some around my tight pucker before pressing softly at the opening of my ass. I relaxed into it, bringing my head down onto my arms. I shifted so that my arms pillowed my cheek. I gasped as his insistent fingers forced their way inward. His middle fingertip went in first, followed shortly by his index. That first one wasn’t a big deal, but I was barely ready for it when the second reached the muscle ring so soon. Twisting slowly, he pushed those two fingers inward, making sure not to just jam them in. I concentrated on relaxing and soon they were both in to the second knuckle.

I could feel the stretching, minorly painful, more of a sting really. He pushed in further, still turning the fingers as he went. Gently, he searched until he found my prostate. Chris knew he found it both by touch and by my gasp. He slid right on by until all of his two fingers were entirely in me. Pulling back slowly, he made sure to trail over that spot again. Now he was finger fucking me, slowly but steadily. In and out, out and in, always hitting the magic button as he went. I could feel my dick getting ever harder, unimaginable as that was. My dick shuddered, moving each time he crossed that hidden territory.

When Chris felt I was properly lubed and just about to explode from wanting him, he slid his fingers out. He wrapped them around his dick and stroked a few times to get slicked up with the lube still on his hand. Moving in closer, he brought the head of his dick down and against me. I pushed back slightly and he pushed forward, popping in swiftly. Since I was relaxed and totally ready, it went in smoothly without pain. Just a twinge as the muscle expanded and I pushed back against him.

Inch after inch slid in until finally I was pressed against his groin, the course hair rubbing the sensitive skin of my opening. He grunted as I bumped against him while the air went out of me. His dick filling my ass was beyond words. Grasping my hips, he pulled away while holding me in place. His dick dragged back out of me in a rush and then he slammed back forward before he left me completely. Instantly he smacked up against me. Given my nature and physical needs, he knew what would work best on me.

Chris began a slow, steady, hard pounding of my ass. All of my being was centered on that part of my body now. I clamped down with the muscles inside every time he pushed in, releasing a little as he pulled out. He did his best to angle his entry to hit my prostate, sending jolts of sensation into me and up through my dick. As he got closer to his orgasm, he sped up. The smack of his balls against my ass and balls grew closer together, his impacts jarring me.

“I’m gonna cum inside you!” he yelled as he reached explosion.

Pistonning into me, he slammed me as hard as he could. His grip on my waist was so tight, I looked for bruises later. There weren’t any, which surprised the hell out of me. Still, I loved it. With a wail, he slammed into me and then ground his hips hard. His dick rotated in me, scraping over my prostate as he orgasmed. I could feel his dick expanding, his girth pushing me open still further. His whole body shuddered against me and his breathe stopped. He pulled back and slammed home again. I milked him for all I was worth, putting as much internal pressure on him as I could, squeezing, milking. His cry was joyful as he spasmed again and again, grinding against my ass, practically trying to climb up inside me.

 After the last spasm passed, Chris fell forward on me, completely drained of cum and energy. Still lodged squarely up my ass, I held the weight for us both, content with his presence. His breath was hot against my neck and his arms wrapped my chest. I enjoyed the closeness. When he felt he could move, he pulled himself upright again. Since he had not lost a bit of his hardness, that dug his dick into my ass in interesting ways. My moan reminded him I still hadn’t gotten off yet. He carefully pulled free and moved back.

 Taking a handkerchief from his jacket pocket, he cleaned me up and then himself. I flipped myself around, ready to finish myself off. Chris caught my hand and shook his head. I was startled. He put the tube of lube in my hand and then turned his back to me. Sitting on the hillside, he made it plain that it was turn-about is fair play.

 “Your turn,” he said as he squatted in front of me. He had managed to get one leg out of his pants with removing his shoes.

 I wasted no more time, squeezing lube onto my palm. Slicking up my dick, I then moved onto him. I went straight for his ass, nudging my slimed up fingers into his hole as gently as possible. When I felt the pressure squeezing me ease, I slid them upward. He groaned, since squatting like that put different stresses on a body. He backed up so he was straddling me with my legs straight out between his. I worked my fingers in and out, making sure he was loosened up enough. Once he was riding my hand like a pony on his own, it was time to move on.

 Pulling my fingers out, I moved my dick into position and lifted up to his hole. Once I was touching him, he lowered as I lifted. Chris gasped as I popped into him. Now in, I grabbed his waist to take some strain off his legs and guide his motion. Pulling him down, he was soon sitting completely in my lap, his back pressed to my chest. I leaned back some, taking him with me. This ground me into his ass, scraping along his insides. His hand now could brace on the ground.

 Stabilized, I grabbed his ass with both hands and lifted. I slid out until the crown of my dick was pressed against his muscle ring at the opening, then pulled him back down onto me. Getting the program now, he now lifted with me and let me pull him down with each stroke. Soon I was almost lifting him off his feet with each thrust into him. I sped up, close to cumming since he had nearly gotten me there when he was fucking me. It wasn’t long before I could feel the pressure of orgasm climbing to unbearable limits.

 I pounded into his ass, grunting in time with him, wanting to feel my dick come out his mouth, pushing as far into him as possible. With a howl, I exploded. Spurt after spurt after spurt of cum shot out of my dick into Chris. His ass clamped down onto my shaft, clenching hard, bringing every shred of sensation possible to the experience. My strength flowed into him, sucked into his ass. Sweat was falling from both of us in sheets now. His strength gave out before mine, leaving him collapsed onto my stomach and chest. My dick was still embedded deeply in his ass. I was flat against the hill when I finally had the last spasm and last bit of cum leaked from my dick into him.

 We lay that way, staring up at the stars and moon, connected. My arms hugged him to me, his dick hard again and pressing against the underside of them. His head was against the hollow of my shoulder, next to my neck. As we lay there, I began stroking his dick, slowly, persistently. I was still hard and still in his ass. I was careful not to move too fast, since my dick was sensitive now. Still, I ground against his ass, rotating my dick slowly, prodding his prostate. I could feel his dick twitch in my hand each time I got the right spot.

 Neither of us said a word, just watched the sky as I jacked his dick and slow fucked his ass. His hands were on my sides at my hips, holding himself steady. I nuzzled his neck, nibbled his ear and kept fucking, slow as time, inevitable as the tide. When my sensitivity dropped back into tolerable levels, I began speeding up, just grinding and rotating, flicking over his prostate again and again. All the while I slowly stroked his dick. I paid special attention to the head, rotating my palm over it now and then.

 When his breathing began getting ragged, I knew it was time to move things along. I began pulling out a little and thrusting back up in. I moved my hips faster, letting his weight push him down onto me when possible. Soon his chest was heaving, his back arching, pushing himself down onto me. He lifted up so he was sitting on my dick, grinding in circles himself. His dick in my hand was expanding and flaming hot. I began stroking him faster and faster, coming up over the crown and slamming back down to the base, gripping tightly.

 I could feel my dick engorging still more and this time the sensation was even more intense. Every bit of skin on my dickhead was tingling and I shoved up into Chris as hard as I could. As I did so, his head fell back and he yelled. Hot fluid sprayed into the air, up past his shoulder and onto my face. The man was geysering as if the first orgasm had never happened. Our slow paced fuck was the most awesome we had ever had together and I shot into his ass a second time as his cum rained down on us both. Finally, we both were drained. I lifted Chris slowly, my dick sliding out of his tender ass with a final plop.

 “Oh. My. God.” Chris murmured as he collapsed next to me on the hill.

 “Yeah,” was all I could get out.

 Chris turned his head and saw his cum on my nose and cheek. Grinning, he leaned into me and licked and sucked it off. Then he kissed me, shoving his tongue into my mouth. I could tell he had been eating tons of oranges lately because his cum had a citrusy after-taste to it. Once he needed to breathe again, Chris broke the kiss.

 When I felt I could move, I took off my shirt and wiped Chris down. Then I did me. Groping around, I found the tube and snapped the cap shut. I pulled up my underwear and pants, ready to start heading out of there. I had no idea how much time was past, but I was sure it had been hours. Chris got himself sorted out and redressed at the same time. When we felt sufficiently recovered that we were going to fall on our faces, we headed down the hill back into the main Gardens. Hopping the fence to get out was an adventure, since both of us were dead exhausted now. Still, we made it.

 Chris took my hand as we walked toward the car. Our eyes were on the sky, watching the stars. I was burning the evening into my memory, obviously, since I did not want to ever forget such an amazing time with my first love. We reached the car and I unlocked it.

 As I got in, Chris said, ”I think I see why that is your favorite place in the whole city.”

 “Well, it sure is now!” I grinned.

“No, really. It’s the stars and the city lights and just the vastness and where they meet,” he continued.

“Actually, yeah, that is it. During the day is similar. The sky meeting the hills and the Gardens blending it all in. All the senses it engages and the peace.”

“I’m glad you brought me to see it.”

“You are most welcome,” I was really pleased.

“I love you,” he whispered as we left the parking lot.

I was stunned. This was the first time he had ever said those words to me. I had said them weeks before. He had never returned then. Until tonight, now. Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to scrub them away with the back of my hand. Taking my hand, he kissed the wetness. Nothing in the world sounds quite like the first time your love is returned.


"For Love of Comic Books and Chris" 

"Ah, shit!" I yelled as I bolted around the counter. 

Some kid had just lifted a case of baseball cards from the counter where
the delivery guy had set it an hour before. The little creep snagged it 
and ran up the steps to the street. I just made out his sneakers 
hitting the top step at full speed as I got to the door. A customer was 
right on my heels as I pounded up the steps. We went two different 
directions but the kid was out of sight by the time I hit the corner of 
the street. 

This was a total disaster. I got my ass reamed for the theft.
Ironically, I wasn't the one that received the order. The owner's 
mother had. But he wasn't about to take her on over it. I just gritted 
my teeth. I hadn't known what the box was or I would have put it in the 
back. The customer that had tried to help came back with me and even 
tried to explain that it wasn't my fault. Nice guy. I was too upset 
over the situation to really notice much about him. 

A week passed and he came back for some comic books. This time I
noticed. Pale blond straight hair that fell over his ice blue eyes. 
About my height, six feet or so. Skin so pale it practically glowed. 
Black jeans and a black windbreaker with a black t-shirt and black 
sneakers. If I didn't know better, I would think he liked black. He 
specifically sought me out to help him find the issues he was looking 
for. 

"My name's Chris," he introduced himself. 

I found myself lost in his eyes as he looked directly into mine with a
lop-sided smile. They were a blue that just barely made it past gray. 
In fact, the edges were that icy blue but the striations that run 
toward the pupil were gray. And somehow they were so deep. It jerked my 
attention back to finding what he asked for. Once I had them all, I 
handed them over clumsily. His hands were cool to the touch. I 
shivered. This was unreal. No one had ever caused me this much 
klutziness just standing there. 

"Thanks..." he paused, waiting. 

"Lael. My name is Lael. No problem, glad to help," I was nearly
stammering in an unexpected panic. 

"Well, thanks. Sorry I couldn't help you catch that punk last week." 

"No, thank you for trying. No one else budged," anger tinged my voice. 

"See you around," Chris said as he headed toward the front to pay for
his books. My eyes found themselves attached to his retreating ass as 
he went. Skinny, like me, but the jeans were tight enough to give it a 
shape. I was bemused, lost in wondering just what was happening. 

Don't get me wrong, I was no virgin. I knew perfectly well that I
thought he was hot and sexy. I knew what I wanted, so this wasn't about 
suppressed longings for guys or some shit like that. Nothing suppressed 
about it. I just felt different for some reason. This was beyond just 
wanting to strip off the layers of black and see if the rest of him was 
as pale. I wanted to know more about him. That is about when I gave 
myself a mental slap upside the head. Hell, I didn't even know yet if 
he was into men. But something was telling he was. 

I found myself thinking about him that night as I zoned out in front of
the TV. Whatever my roommate Melinda was watching didn't register at 
all in my brain. Chris is what I was focused on internally. His 
straight, thin nose. How his hair hit the back of his neck. The sound 
of his voice. That lop-sided smile that still managed to show some 
teeth without it warping his face. The funny thing was, it wasn't lust. 
I wasn't in erotic mode at all. I was curious about him. He was stuck 
in my head. I finally dragged my mind off of him, firmly, and read for 
a while. 

Chris began showing up once a week to check on new books coming in. He
collected a wide range of titles, DC, Marvel and independents. Good 
books, most of which I at least knew the current storylines for, if not 
back-stories. We'd chat about them and defend our positions when the 
odd disagreement would pop up. Soon, he would make sure I was the only 
one he would get to help him. I got told a couple of times that he had 
come in but left immediately when I wasn't there. Curiouser and 
curiouser. 

This went on for a couple of months. No real details were exchanged
outside of the comic book universes we both enjoyed. But all of this 
time I was becoming more and more intrigued by him. He always made sure 
to keep eye contact with me when we talked. His whole attention was 
directed at me. Trust me, that kind of focus is very disconcerting. I 
don't easily blush, but I could feel the potential just below the skin. 
My entire body felt heated to near frying when he watched me that way. 
And his hands always managed to brush mine when I would give him his 
books. Not in an obvious flirting way though. If it wasn't purely 
accidental, it was at least subconscious on his part. I was desperately 
doing my damnedest to not read things into it. I failed more often than 
not. I began looking forward to seeing him. 

I finally decided enough was enough. The next time Chris came into the
shop, I led him to a distant corner away from everyone. It was all I 
could do to keep my stomach from throwing a revolt that would embarrass 
me to the end of my days. I may have even started sweating, but I was 
not going to chicken out. 

"Do you want to come over to my house tonight and talk? My roommate is
out." I finally said without tripping over my numb tongue. 

"Sure. Sounds good. What time?" Chris said with his crooked smile. 

"I am off in about 2 hours, so how about after?" I was feeling almost
ready for my insides to heave and be outside. 

"Cool. I'll just hang around until then. I don't have any other plans
tonight," his smile actually evened out as he spoke. My eyes felt glued 
to his reddish lips. 

"That's fine by me. I have to get a shipment sorted and on the shelves.
And set aside the regular's stuff. Ah hell, that you includes you." I 
felt a total fool. 

"Another perfectly good reason to hang around," he grinned at me. 

I know I blushed then. The flames on my cheeks could be nothing else. I
hurried off to get my shit done. He went to browsing the shelves and 
bins, stopping to read now and then. I was very aware of him no matter 
where either of us was. That nervous flutter in my gut stayed with me 
too. It puzzled the hell out of me. But it was also kind of neat at the 
same time. It was something completely new for me. 

Those two hours sped by and crawled. I got my assignments finished and
could call it a day without any problem. I said bye and Chris came to 
the counter to pay for his stuff. I waited for him up at the street. He 
came up the stairs, a dim ghost clothed in gray this time instead of 
black. I smiled and we started walking up University Avenue toward my 
apartment down about five blocks. We didn't chat as we walked but the 
silence didn't seem awkward either. Just walking with a destination is 
all. 

I fumbled the keys in the lock and finally got the door open before I
dropped the stupid keys. Swinging the door open, I held the screen so 
he could go in. This put us in my living room. This was an old building 
and the living room was humungous. Two full couches fit and still left 
a lot of open space. The dining room was small and so was the kitchen. 
A hall door shut off the bathroom and two bedrooms from the living 
room. 

He set his bag on the coffee table and sat down. I sat on the couch
across from him. Now came that eternal moment of silence where neither 
of us really knew what to say. At least he didn't. I could see 
confusion in his eyes as we both struggled to find something to say. I 
decided to just be blunt. Hey, all he could say was that I was mistaken 
and fuck off. 

"Are you into guys, Chris?" Ok, I was blunt as a pickax to the skull.
Too late now. 

What I wasn't prepared for was the dumbfounded pure panic on his face.
If I thought he was pale before, he redefined the term and the color 
right then. His eyes were wide and I could tell he was shocked witless. 
This was not at all the reaction I expected. Maybe a yes or maybe a no 
or even a hell no. But this total brain freeze wasn't on the list. 

"How did you know?" he whispered. Definitely panic. 

"Um, I can't explain. Just a feeling," I answered carefully. I had a
suspicion that my answers were going to be really important for both of 
us. 

"I thought I hid it better than that," Chris was looking almost ready to
cry. This was not what I had intended. Aw, shit! 

"Let's just say I am good at seeing things. That I get a feel for
people, even when they armor themselves. I don't think it is anything 
obvious. I just knew," I explained 

It must have made sense to him because I could see him pulling himself
back together again. The panic was slowly leaving and in its place was 
a profound relief. I could almost figure out his actual thoughts as the 
expressions crossed his face. Finally, someone knew. I would only find 
out months later that his mother and stepfather were fundamentalist 
Christians. It explained his need to hide his attractions and bury any 
feelings from outside detection. And why my being so direct had thrown 
him into panic. If I figured it out, whom else could? 

It wasn't a denial of who and what he was. He accepted that part of
himself. This was solely about repercussions with family if he was 
found out. He had younger brothers and sisters that he loved and still 
wanted in his life. If his parents found out, he was certain that he 
would be cut off and thrown out. That part turned out to be true a year 
later. But it was a while before I got all of this out of him. That 
night we just talked and got to know each other better. I liked him. 
And he liked me. 

We started hanging out almost every night after I got off work. We would
prowl around the neighborhood on long walks, talking, sharing. Our 
spiritual views were similar though not exactly the same. Needless to 
say, he was neither fundamentalist nor Christian. Neither was I. We 
scaled Mount Rubidoux one night as we continued learning about each 
other. Mount is an overstatement, considering it is a very rocky hill 
at best. Dear Riverside has its pretentious pompousness. 

There came a night when we actually went a direction that we both
probably saw coming. It was unplanned, but we both went with it without 
any hesitation when it arrived. Innocent spontaneity and laughter 
showed us the way. It all came down to a wrestling match on my bed. 

I don't recall exactly what prompted it, but I am pretty sure one of us
was wisecracking and the other responded with a wrestling hold. 
Ordinarily, that is just fun and possibly leads to something extra when 
two guys like each other. What pushed this into a different realm was a 
hedonistic purchase I had made the month before. A royal blue satin 
comforter for my queen sized bed. I loved the texture against my skin. 

Anyway, we started wrestling, neither willing to submit to the other.
Oomph! We both land on the floor with dual thuds. We start giggling 
like two five-year-olds. We scramble back up and continue wrestling. 
Thud, thud! Down we go again. Being a somewhat poor twenty-year-old, I 
had the box-spring and mattress on the floor instead of a bed frame. 
So, it wasn't really that far to the carpet. But with us trying so hard 
to get the upper hand, we kept sliding right off the end. Thud, thud! 
Over and over, giggling all the while, hands all over each other. And 
then hands very purposefully placed with gentle squeezes. Thud, thud! 

Finally, Melinda had enough. She pounded on her bedroom wall and yelled
at us to either knock it off or take it to the living room so she could 
sleep. She had to work the next day and our racket was keeping her 
awake. I hollered our apologies in between giggles. I put a finger to 
Chris' lips to quiet him down. He promptly sucked my fingertip into his 
mouth. I gasped and pulled back as he grinned at me. Things were going 
a definite direction from this point on. And I was more than ready. So 
was he. 

I grabbed the bedspread with one hand and Chris with the other. He
opened my bedroom door and then the hall door. I dragged us through and 
he shut the hall door. Both of us were grinning now. I could see a 
shine to his eyes, so clear and bright. I imagine mine were the same. I 
spread out the bedspread on the living room floor in the biggest open 
area next to the dining room. He tackled me but made sure I had a soft 
landing. Again we wrestled. My flexibility versus his innate strength. 
I ended up sitting on his chest with his arms pinned by my knees. My 
arms were bent back holding down his knees. 

He bucked and I slid. Now my crotch was squarely in front of his face. I
changed tactics and went for his sides. He gasped and then laughed as I 
tickled him. Then he managed to throw me sideways. I hit the floor on 
my side with him swarming over me, pulling off my shirt. I returned the 
favor. Again we came together, grasping for holds on sweaty skin. A lot 
of sliding around the bedspread and on each other's skin happened. Both 
of us were plenty hard by then. Made for convenient handles as we 
tussled. 

I got his Dockers off without too much of a fight; popping the button
and then yanking them clean off. I let go as they flung out at the end 
of my arm and they went flying onto the dining room table. Now he was 
only in white jockeys and white socks. Feeling a need to even the odds, 
Chris rose up and squashed me flat to the satin. He got my jeans open 
with his teeth and pulled the zipper down the same way. He kept a hand 
flat on my stomach the whole time. I didn't resist since I was out of 
breath and feeling the burning heat of his palm against my skin. 

He pulled my jeans off and they too landed on the table behind us. Then
he peeled off my socks. I curled around to attack his feet, removing 
his. He landed on top of me, bear hugging me as I coiled around his 
torso. Our breath was coming in short gasps that blew against each 
other's skin. The heat between us was unlike anything I had experienced 
before. Hands roamed now, feeling skin and muscles, elbows and knees. 
The tone was turning toward sensual instead of raw power play. 

We turned each other loose and sat breathing heavily, staring into each
other's eyes. I leaned forward and our lips met, lightly. His eyes 
stared back into mine as he pushed his lips to mine more firmly. He 
opened his mouth and his tongue pushed against me. I let him in. We 
tongue wrestled for a bit, exploring. My hands trailed against his 
chest downward over his stomach and to the elastic band of his 
underwear. The tips of my nails caught then pulled down and away. His 
hard shaft pushed free then. I broke the kiss to look down at the 
trophy of our wrestling bout. 

I pushed him gently flat on his back as I pulled his underwear from his
legs. Now I finally got to see all of him. That question I had 
originally about if he was pale all over was finally answered. Yup, he 
was. But his shaft was pink, flushed with lots of trapped blood. The 
tip was red, engorged. And it curved upward toward his left. Not 
extreme, but definitely something of a scimitar shape. I let my hand 
trace its outline and it twitched at my touch. I glanced up and found 
his eyes closed and that crooked smile in place. I had never seen 
anyone with a curve like that before. It nestled in a patch of dark 
blond hair. His nuts were smooth with faint traces of hair. They were 
pretty large and hanging down between his spread legs. That made sense, 
since we were both burning hot from our wrestling moments before. 

It was like a daydream come alive. I just sat looking at him. Concave
stomach that barely rose and fell with his breath. I tickled his ribs 
with a fingertip, just glorying in the feel of his skin. He twitched 
with that little number but kept his eyes closed. Now a new contest 
started. Let's see if I can get his eyes open. My hands wandered freely 
although I purposely left one particular area neglected and nearly 
untouched. I ghosted my hands over every muscle I could reach. I could 
make out the tiny lines of him clenching those peepers of his closed. 
He knew the game, it was on. 

Next I tried something else. Since hands didn't get much reaction, maybe
a bit of tongue would. I began tracing swirling wavering lines up and 
down his body with the tip of my tongue. He shivered but retained 
control. I got especially creative on his suddenly firm nipples. Those 
twin buttons had definitely risen out of their camouflage to let me 
know that he was reacting despite his iron control over his expression. 
That smile stayed right where he put it so far. 

Ok, time to get more intense. I gave some suction to his skin. Carefully
so as not to leave too many marks on that fine alabaster skin. I just 
knew he would pop up with entertaining hickeys at the drop of... never 
mind. So, I went for his fingers. They were long and narrow. His nails 
were cut very short. I sucked his little finger all the way into my 
mouth and then slowly pulled back. As I did, I let my teeth just barely 
graze the skin until I reached the nail bed. Then I applied just a bit 
more pressure top and bottom until I reached the tip. His whole body 
shuddered as I did the nail. Gotcha! 

I then did the exact same thing to his ring finger. But even slower. As
slowly as I could manage. I could taste the salt. The tiny ridges of 
his finger pads rasped. I strengthened the suction I applied. Light at 
first, fierce by the time I hit the nail again. He was definitely 
breathing heavy now. I could see his free hand clenching the comforter 
now. I was delighted. I think he was too. But those stubborn eyes 
stayed shut. Fine. Onto the middle finger. Then the index, finally the 
thumb. By the time I reached the nail of his thumb, his eyes were 
watching me intently. I grinned as his thumb popped out of my mouth. 
Then I claimed my prize. 

His lips opened to mine and we kissed for I don't know how long. He kept
his hands busy though. I shifted so that he could get my underwear off 
without too much bother. I moaned a little as his hand measured my 
investment in our contact. I am not as long as he is, perhaps a couple 
of finger widths shorter. He over flowed my hand by several inches when 
I held him at his base. While we kissed, he stroked me, gently 
squeezing as if testing my hardness. It felt like a steel rod to me but 
it was amazing having someone else do that instead of plain old 
everyday me. 

He rose up and turned around so that he was beside me. Now he controlled
the game. Chris laid me back carefully and I let him. Fair was fair. 
His turn. I waited to see where he would go with things. Everywhere he 
touched me tingled and burned. I could almost feel the individual nerve 
endings jump. He started on my ear, nibbling at each of the three 
studs. It jolted through me like an electrical charge. Then he sucked 
on my ear lobe and finally just behind my ear. I was in bliss. The room 
practically spun. All the while his hands lightly massaged my muscles, 
skipping around here and there. 

Then came the shock. He trailed down my neck to the base of my throat
and sucked hard. I spasmed hard, my back arching. It is impossible to 
describe exactly, but it felt as though he found a button that reached 
the center of me. An 'on' button that turned my entire body into a 
buzzing circuit of ecstasy. I know now that it was absolutely a g-spot 
for me. He was the first to find that one. I know my breath caught in 
my throat until he let up on it. And when that small eternity ended 
with him releasing my skin from his suction, my body sank back down. If 
I thought I was hard before, that proved me wrong. He had let go of me 
there too but I could still feel the after effect of his touch there 
also. 

Back and forth we went, exploring each other. All without really going
after the obvious. For some reason we both decided to hold off on that 
as long as we could. So much to touch, taste, feel, learn about each 
other. And we were in no hurry. On and on, without the urgent need to 
reach orgasm. It seemed so natural at the time. It awes me a bit now. 

I do know that this entire time neither of us said a word. There didn't
seem to be any need. At some point, we mutually decided it was time to 
up the ante to the next logical, emotional, sensual level. I happened 
to be facing his feet when he slowly pushed me onto my back. He shifted 
so he was over me. That put things in an interesting position. We then 
did what came naturally. It didn't take much for me to lift my head 
slightly and lick the end of him. I could feel his thighs shudder 
against my shoulders. I felt him lift me up so I wasn't pointing at my 
bellybutton any more as he gave as good as he got. 

We dove onto each other at the same time. Warm, wet suction engulfed me
at the same time I tried to swallow him whole. He tasted of sweat and 
very faintly of soap. The skin against my tongue was silky soft 
encasing solid firmness. As I sucked him in, I let my tongue stroke the 
topside of him. I almost gagged since he reached the back of my mouth 
easily and I was tilted slightly off kilter. I fought the reflex and 
got him all the way in. His balls were pretty well balanced on my nose 
at that point. I held him there and suctioned for all I was worth for a 
few seconds. Then I pulled back halfway. 

My hands were bracing his hips, helping him keep his balance. I could
feel his hipbones against my fingers. His stomach would just brush mine 
as he pretty much did pushups over me, his hands on either side of my 
hips too. His lips covered his teeth carefully, and he liked to come up 
all the way so that the very tip of me was pressed against his lips. 
Then he would plunge back down, letting me force them apart easily, 
caressing as he slid down to the base. Flash after flash of sensation 
crashed through me, from that central contact point all the way to my 
overloaded brain. Wave after wave crashed through me. Yet we still both 
took our time without any sense of urgency. There was no hurry. But we 
were absolutely building on each thing that came before. 

I finally had to take a breather and reluctantly let him out of my
mouth. Instead, I licked at his nuts, washing them with my tongue. 
Gently, I sucked in one of his testicles and held it lightly, sucking. 
Releasing it, I did the neglected one. Over and over. His hair barely 
tickled the insides of my cheeks each time. He got creative too. Chris 
shifted forward so that his knees were just in front of my armpits. 
With the better balance this gave him, he didn't need his hands so much 
for that. 

Chris took my hips in his hands and lifted me upward. I obliged by
curling my stomach in as I bent at the waist. This pretty much left my 
backend wide open to him. He wasted no time in attacking with his 
tongue. His tongue traced a path along my perineum straight down. I 
gasped as his tongue circles hypersensitive skin. I could practically 
feel his individual taste bubs against that small inward turn of skin. 
I did my best to stay relaxed as he pressed his tongue in. My head 
thumped onto the floor as all new sensations crashed into my nervous 
system. It was truly an entirely new experience for me. No one had ever 
rimmed me before. I loved it. And he was good at it. 

Things had finally reached a height of physical need now. He lowered my
hips back down and sucked my erection back into his molten mouth. I 
wasn't sure I could hold on for long now. I began pushing away from 
him. There was still something else I wanted to do before we hit that 
ultimate endpoint. He resisted letting go of me, nearly growling his 
displeasure. The vibration that caused was not helping the matter in my 
book. I pushed against his body with my hands more insistently. With a 
sigh, he finally released me from the pleasure/pain of his mouth. 

I laid him flat on his back. At some point I had remembered to bring in
the lube. Probably during one of our brief heavy breathing rest 
sessions between onslaughts of each other's senses. Whatever, it was 
there when I wanted it. He grinned at me and beat me to it as I reached 
for it. I grinned back at him as I moved myself over his hips with my 
knees to either side of him. I heard the rather loud pop of the bottle 
top as he lifted the lid. Then the faint gurgle as he tilted the 
bottle. I almost jumped when his fingers touched my tender backside. A 
gentle but firm pressure came from one of his long fingers. I let him 
in. 

Slowly he pushed upward and in. After a second of resistance, it slid
in. He was careful but steady. I was surprised when the rest of his 
hand reached my backside firmly. I almost moaned when he began wiggling 
that damn finger. He certainly had a goal. My erection jerked when he 
found it too. The jolt of electricity should have vaporized my brain. 
It was even more intense as he gently rubbed that spot, teasing it and 
keeping the pressure steady. My shaft was dancing over his stomach 
without me touching myself. I almost protested as his finger pulled 
back. Then it became two fingers. I could feel myself stretching a bit. 
Right back to the magic button he went. One finger was good, two was 
sublime. 

I lost all track of time somehow. All I knew was that he pulled out and
something else starting knocking at the back door. He was not exactly 
small diameterwise, but I felt like giving it a try. I was as ready as 
I was likely to ever be. It also wasn't as if I had a whole lot of 
experience at this either. Despite what people might think, I could 
count on one hand the number of people I had had sex with before Chris. 
I wasn't constantly on the prowl looking for a hook-up. And since I had 
met Chris, I had stopped looking at anyone else at all. Funny, that. He 
was all I wanted. How odd... 

He popped through the minimal resistance and I heard the faint grunt of
his breath when it happened. Mine was definitely missing as I held mine 
waiting for a burst of dim pain to subside. It did rather quickly as he 
held very still waiting for me to let go of my death grip on him. I 
took a deep long breath and let it back out much more slowly than I had 
pulled it in. By the time the air was back outside, the pain was mostly 
gone. I nodded and he pushed again. This time he slid upward without 
any resistance. And poked me in that spot again. My knees went weak and 
my hard-on lifted and smacked down on his tight stomach audibly. 

I managed to open my eyes to look at his face. That is when I realized
he was doing just fine for a first timer.  Intense wonder was all over 
his face. His eyes were wide and his mouth slightly open. Figuring this 
out really put a new spin on things from my perspective. I wanted to 
blow his mind apart with sensual overload. I was his first. He bottomed 
out since I could feel his hair grinding against my backside now. All 
of him was in me. I was starting to really feel good myself. 

Then he twisted his hips side to side and I know I moaned for sure this
time. I lifted as he began pulling back. Then I pushed down as he 
pushed up. The impact jarred me and the room flashed neon for a second. 
It wasn't long before we had a nice rhythm going. His hands cupped my 
backside, lifting and pulling in time with me. Our breathing was now 
coming is sharp fast gasps. Every so often he did that side-to-side 
twist and I would moan some more. One of his hands started stroking me. 


He was going to bring me over the edge really fast at the rate he was
going. All of that stimulation was making me drip like a faucet on his 
stomach. I watched in detached fascination as it pooled in his innie 
bellybutton. I leaned forward to kiss him as he continued thrusting 
steadily into me. The angle change made all sorts of new things happen 
with my nerve endings. Our tongues tangled as he jammed up into me and 
held it there. I could feel his shaft expanding even wider and the 
other end twitching. I knew what was happening and I was joyfully 
thrilled. His eyes looked back into mine above our locked lips. The 
wonder in them was worth anything. I pulled away and leaned back again 
until I was upright. That pushed him even further into me. I ground my 
hips against his and it was his turn to moan. 

When the trembling of his legs finally subsided, I carefully lifted up
and then promptly fell over on my side next to him. 

He lay still for a moment, basking in the after glow of his orgasm
before he rolled onto his side to kiss me again. I was still in a state 
and he noticed immediately. He latched onto me and rolled back onto his 
back, pulling me onto of him. This time his legs spread to either side 
of mine. I looked a question into his eyes and he grinned. Nodding, he 
handed me the lube. I was more than willing at this point. 

I followed his earlier lead and carefully worked my middle finger into
him. Just as he had, I found the right spot as quickly as possible. His 
eyes flew wide. It was only then that I realized his erection had never 
gone down. It certainly jumped when I rubbed his prostate. While he had 
the advantage as far as length, I was a bit bigger around than he was. 
I went to three fingers instead of just two. When I could feel that he 
was not tightening on them, I shifted so I was between his legs. I 
lifted his legs so his ankles rested next to my neck before leaning in 
over him. The tip of me brushed right on target and I pushed in. I 
froze just as I got past his outer muscles as he clenched. 

Eventually he relaxed and I pushed in a little more. This time he didn't
clench for very long. The next push and he didn't at all. One more and 
I was to the hilt. Putting my arms down to the floor outside of his 
thighs, I leaned forward as my hips pulled back. His eyes were wide and 
watching mine. Just before I would have pulled all the way out, I 
pushed all the way back in slowly. I did this several times, waiting 
for him to be completely relaxed and ready for more. When he gripped 
his hard-on and began stroking, I knew. 

That is when I sped things up. Pulling maybe half way out, I pushed back
fast. Slow on the out, fast on the in. Over and over. My thighs slammed 
against his backside repeatedly. His free hand wandered over my chest 
and stomach, sending shivers through me.  All of the time, he watched 
my face, a smile on his lips. I changed things up and his back arched. 
Now I was hitting the target on each thrust in and out again. Pressure 
began to build and slowly climb toward climax for me. 

Just before I had my orgasm, he had his second. He clamped down on me
with such intensity I almost lost control until I fought it back. 
Strand after strand of milky fluid erupted from him. The first hit his 
chin. The next landed in a line on his chest. The following one on his 
sternum and the final one squarely in his belly button. A few final 
drops oozed out over his clenched fingers. Then I slammed into him a 
final time and lost myself in mine. He was still clamped down on me, 
and that was my entire length. Bright lights burst and flared before my 
eyes and I felt my energy draining into him. My knees went weak and my 
arms trembled. Finally, I came back to myself. He was still watching my 
face with that lop-sided smile of his. 

I pulled out slowly and lowered myself onto him. With a finger, I wiped
the fluid from his chin. The rest was squished between us. I licked 
part of it off and put the rest to his lips. He licked at the salty 
stuff and then sucked in my whole finger. I could feel his softening 
erection twitch against mine. I hadn't gone down at all.  We seemed 
well matched in that department. We kissed, leisurely and happy. Then 
he rolled to the side so my weight wasn't crushing him down. Our hands 
wandered freely, stroking and massaging. 

We must have gone at it at least twice more each. Different positions
brought different sensations. Different angles of penetration, 
different rhythms and intensities. By the time exhaustion finally did 
us in, we could barely move at all. Only then did we notice the sun was 
coming up. With a titanic effort, we gathered up our clothes and the 
comforter. Back in my room we collapsed on the bed, hauled the blanket 
over us and slept the sleep of the sated. 

On hindsight, we went at it for almost 10 hours. He matched me blow for
blow, act for act. Very few have ever done that. It was different 
another way too. I was in love with him before we ever did anything 
physical. That was new for me. It changed the act of sex from something 
merely nice into something nearly divine in nature. We were more 
concerned about making the other feel good than ourselves. This is what 
the big deal was about, finding a relationship. Now it made perfect 
sense to me. All it took was genuine love. 

First love lives on and on. Though I eventually lost Chris to his own
fears about his parents, I love him still. It turns out he was 
bisexual. I found that out the hard way. Funny enough, that didn't 
bother me. Her either. It did him though. He felt he had to choose 
between us. In the end, he chose neither. I sometimes hope that he 
found peace within himself and someone he could love without that 
lingering emotional despair. I've long forgiven him for leaving. I'll 
never be with him again and I am ok with that. Another love has found 
me. It is good, different, but I am ok with that too. 

Memory of this first night together is still clear as day for me. It is
one of those things I will always be grateful for. In all of my 
writing, I know that he has influenced me. It is a gift I cherish. Lucky me.

This is a true story.  The only thing to remember is
that this is only my side of the story. Maybe the
perspective of the other is quite different. Then again, I
have a feeling they'll never talk about it.

** Special Note **

The story I am telling here is something that happened. It
also involves a definite illegal action or two. I do not
condone nor imply that what I write here is acceptable. To
me, it was simply something that happened, not to be
emulated. Think of the story as more of a warning against
similar folly.


Stu's Game

Chapter 1 Leaving Home

  I was moving out. There was no way that I could continue
to live at my Mom's house. We just fought all of the time.
It was getting to the point that I was starting to have
stomach pain at the thought of coming home. Too much shit
raining down on my head lately. Not only that, I was
worried about it overflowing onto my siblings. So, time to
go.

  Mom and I sat down to try one last time to work it out.
Didn't happen. I had already found a new place to live. I
had become really good friends with a comic book store
owner. He had offered to let me move in with him if things
got to be too much to handle. Since I was only 17, it kept
getting thrown back in my face that I was stuck there. I
decided to apply for California Minor Emancipation. This
meant that my parents would no longer be responsible for me
and I would be declared a legal adult.

  The requirements for it weren't too hard in my mind.
First a legal residence separate from that of the parents.
Second, employment sufficient to meet bills incurred.
Third, continuing to attend school with a "c" average. I
had found the residence. The job wouldn't be a problem. The
grades could be dealt with. To make it a hell of a lot
easier, my Mom even agreed to not fight me in court over
this. Within the week, I moved in with Stu. He's the one
who owned the comic book store. He was also 35 years older
than me, at the time.

  Yeah, I knew he was gay. Didn't bother me. I knew I was
too. I didn't think it about it all that much. I was still
a virgin due to not meeting anyone that interested me
enough to do something about it. I was 6'2", with muddy
brown short cut hair, hazel eyes with brown centers. I
weighed about 176 pounds with a 28" waist. Very thin but
with legs from hell. For those that will absolutely die if
they don't know, yes, I'm cut. I had walked to school most
of my life, plus horseback riding, bicycling and swimming.
My legs were the one thing about my body that I felt good
about. Naturally, I showed them off as much as I could.
Yup, I wore shorts (really short ones) until it got so cold
that I had no choice but to put pants on or freeze my
assets off. Thankfully, in California that might not be
till late December.

  I had met Stu in a round about manner. I had gotten
into collecting comic books because of a friend of mine. He
went to a particular store once a week to get his latest
stuff. I had seen a really cool looking cover at Circle K
and got intrigued with the story. I can remember it well.
It was a Marvel Comics, X-men issue with Storm on the
cover. She had this awesome white Mohawk cut and black
leather clothes. This huge green snake is wrapped around
her and she has it by the head with one hand and holds a
wicked looking Bowie knife in the other ready to stab it. I
was hooked. So, the next time my friend went to get his
books, I rode along with him.

  After a couple of months of this, I got to know Stu
fairly well. Well enough that I told him about my home
problems. He was sympathetic and supportive. Within a
couple of more months he offered to let me move in if
things got too bad. Told him I would consider it. He was
about 57, I think. Hard to remember exactly now. 5'7" with
mostly gray hair, some black still mixed in. Now, looking
back, he reminds me of one of the characters that Whoopi
Goldberg talked about in her Broadway stand up routine. The
Jamaican housekeeper and the "old raison". Guess who I
mean! So, anyway, I ended up deciding to go ahead and move
in with him. He made it very clear that there would be no
"strings" attached to it. Good thing too, 'cause I had no
interest in him, sexually.


Chapter 2 Moving In

  Well, a week after talking to my Mom about it, I moved in
with Stu. I had my own room, toward the back of the
house. Stu had a Siamese cat that I just loved. It was
definitely a guard cat. Hated everyone including Stu.
Loved me on sight though. I was kind of shocked at the
condition things were in though. It was the worst condition
that I had ever seen any living space in.  I mean scary.
Well, down to work.

  I cleaned as much as I could and then got stalled. No
vacuum cleaner anywhere. Tore that damn place apart trying
to find one too. There wasn't one. Swearing to myself, I
called my Mom and asked if I could borrow hers for the day.
She agreed and brought it over. The stunned look on her
face when she got there and walked in was priceless. Well,
it would have been if I hadn't of agreed with her one
hundred percent. Without another word, she rolled up her
sleeves and got to work. Between the two of us, we got the
living room, kitchen and my room done by late that
afternoon. We collapsed onto two recliners and panted. Both
of us were covered in dirt from head to foot. You could see
the sweat trails on our faces. Still, the house was now
livable, barely. I think we killed the poor vacuum cleaner
though.

  As we sat, Sebastian the cat gave Mom a sniff and then
curled up in her lap. Well, that made two people who had
passed his bizarre kitty test. The only two that I ever
heard of too. When she had recovered her breath a bit, she
asked if I was still sure about this whole idea. I told her
that it would work out. She just nodded her tired head and
let it go. I helped her to her car and went back in for a
shower.

  Stu was surprised and impressed with the house when he
got home. I informed him that we left his bedroom alone.
There was no way that we were going in there. He nodded and
made himself a Scotch on the rocks. He was tired too. A
shipment had come in that morning. We both just sat and
watched TV for a while. When he got up to go get something
to eat, I witnessed one of the weirdest things I have ever
seen. Sabastian got off of my lap, looked around, walked to
the kitchen and then back again. When Stu hadn't come
back right away, Sebastian walked over to the Scotch glass
that was sitting on the floor. He then daintily stuck his
nose in and began to lap it up. The cat was drinking
Stu's Scotch! I couldn't believe it. That cat must have
lowered what was left in the glass by half before I
actually recovered enough to shoo him off. I told Stu
what had happened when he came back and stared at his
nearly empty glass. He just nodded and scolded Sebastian.
Sebastian just licked his whiskers and yawned. I laughed
myself out and then went to bed.


Chapter 3 Settling In

  Things settled into a pattern over the next few weeks.  I
went to school, I went to work and I came home and crashed.
Life on your own is not all its cracked up to be when they
advertise the joys of not living with your parents. I began
to see the world in a new way in a hurry. Most of the
people I knew in high school had no clue what the world is
really like. They were all so concerned with popularity and
dances that I just shook my head. Anyway, I was too tired
to care about much for a long time.

  This is a good place to mention one of Stu's hobbies.
He had over 3000 videotapes. They were on bookcases through
the entire house, with the exception of my room. He had
cable and taped everything he could. Entire TV series,
movies, specials, you name it, he probably had it or soon
would. He even kept track of everything with the huge
filing card system. It was really cool to be able to name
any movie and have it pulled off a shelf in seconds. The
quality was not always great on some of the older tapes but
it still rocked.

  I can remember one weekend that we went on this vampire
craze. He had every vampire movie that had ever been made
up to then. Mind you, this was the late eighties. It was a
hell of a lot of fun. We did werewolf night, zombie night,
just plain mixed horror night, fantasy/sci-fi night, and
just about any type of movie genre you can think of. It was
way cool.

  During one of these all weekend movie binges, Stu found
out that I liked wine. I had found some in the fridge and
tasted it out of curiosity. Its not like I hadn't had it
before at family functions, I just wanted to see what this
kind was like. Stu noticed and told me that I could have
it. Hey, worked for me. After that, a new bottle would be
in the fridge whenever the old one ran out. He offered me
some of his Scotch, but the taste almost made me wretch.

Chapter 4

  Not long after the wine experiment, Steve started trying
to do things for me. The kind of things that cost money. I
immediately put a stop to it. I didn't want that kind of
obligation hanging over my head. He got really drunk one
night and said that he wanted to take care of me. What the
hell?!? No! was the very firm answer he got. I would handle
money issues myself. If I wanted something, I would save up
for it and get it myself. He was not too happy about how
stubborn I got over it. He gave up, or so I thought.

  I was pretty sure of myself. Aren't all 17 year olds?
Things went smoothly for a couple of more months. No big
pressing troubles. Enough money from my job to keep me
happy and bills paid. Not that I had all that many bills.
Was still only working part time because of school. The one
thing that I let Stu get away with was refusing to accept
rent money. Probably a dumb move on my part, but it made
him happy.

As for my attempt at Emancipation... that fell flat. You
see, my parents were divorced. She is here in California;
he was in Texas. I had called him to see if he would also
sign off on it, thereby avoiding a big legal hassle. He
told me flat out that he would fight it in Texas court. I
knew damn well that it would drag on and on. I would turn
18 before the case ever made it into court. I was furious.
The only reason he was going to fight it was because my Mom
was OK with it. I have never forgiven him, don't think I
ever will. So, there was nothing to do but wait out the 4
months until I turned 18. Arghhhhh!!!

Chapter 5 Plans are Laid

  I switched schools to make life easier on me. There was a
continuation high school less than a couple of miles from
where I was already going. After some serious research, I
found out that I could get a regular diploma from my old
high school since I was close to graduating. They have
since terminated that program, I hear. Anyway, I went with
my Mom to the guidance counselor at my old school. He said
that I couldn't switch schools because I was not failing 2
classes. Stupid rule and stupid thing to tell me. Within a
month, I turned back my grades in economics and US
government. The rest I still had A's in. We went back to
the idiot and got me transferred.

  Next, we trotted on over to the continuation school for
an appointment with the vice-principal there. Mom and I sat
waiting for half and hour before finally being shown in.
After we seated ourselves, he went straight for the throat.
Looking down at my school file sitting on his desk, he
looked me right in the eye and told us that he didn't think
that this was going to work. He didn't think that I would
perform. I looked over at my Mom just as she looked at me.
We both burst out laughing. I told him that I would shock
the hell out him. He explained the classes and how they
worked. Very different from regular high school. You went
your own speed, not the classes. I just grinned at him.

  My, my, my... how time flies. I was back in the vice-
principal's office 2 weeks later. All of my classes were
finished. Straight A's. Not only that, but I was 5 credits
over what I needed to graduate from my old school. He just
sat there stunned. Being the total smart-ass, I inquired as
to whether my performance was satisfactory. He just nodded.
Also mumbled something about a new school record for
finishing a class, a semester and actually graduating. I
didn't let him know that I had stayed up until 4 in the
morning to get that last class done for today.

  So, graduated a few months ahead of my class. Because of
the timing and the program, I was not allowed to walk with
the rest of my class. Didn't bother me. Wasn't something I
really cared about. All I knew was, DONE! No more school
until I was ready for it. Celebrated that night with a
friend from work, his Jacuzzi and a bottle of Crown Royale
that he got his uncle to buy for me. It was a total blast.
He was cute, but totally straight. Therefore, nothing
happened, more's the pity.


Chapter 6 The Game Begins

  Now here's where it got tricky. Not long after I finished
school, Stu had been setting a little something up. It
was a weekend and I had it off. He brought home a gallon of
wine that he knew I liked. At his suggestion, we had
ourselves a party of 2. Every time a glass of wine was
emptied, he poured me another. The whole time, he drank
only his Scotch. Got quite a buzz. I also damn near
finished the whole gallon.

  When he felt that I was properly smashed, I found out
what other hobbies he had that we had never talked about.
He was totally into S & M type bondage scenarios. In fact,
he rather liked the S part. He wanted me for the M part.
Just laughed. He challenged me to give it a try. I told him
it wouldn't work with me. Again he challenged me to last
least give it a try. I shrugged. OK, but don't say I didn't
warn him. I also wasn't as drunk as he thought I was. You
see, I am one of those people that are pretty well immune
to lesser alcohol. Hard stuff is another matter.

  He got up and went into his room. When he came back, he
had about 20 feet of a soft nylon rope in his hands. The
first game was to be tying me up. Again I laughed. Told him
flat out that I could get out of anyway that he chose to
tie my hands. I also flat out refused to allow my feet to
be tied. He accepted the challenge with a grin. Thought he
was hot shit with a rope. Guess he should have been with
his experience.

  He did a really good job with the rope. Normally, it
would have worked with most people. Lucky for me, I read a
lot. Also read things that most people don't. Now, I am a
very flexible person. Total klutz I may be, but flexible
indeed. I had completely flexed my wrists as he was busy
wrapping them. On top of that, I was sweating a bit. He
finished and sat back to watch me struggle. Or so he
thought. With a minute I handed him back the rope. I had no
problem getting out of the tangle. Guess it impressed him.

  He then challenged me to get out of handcuffs. Being no
dummy, I knew what he was setting up. He wanted to fuck me.
He also wanted me to react to his little games. He didn't
come out and say it, but it seemed pretty plain to me. When
I didn't respond to his challenge right away, he backed off
for a little while. Got me more wine too. Persistent, ain't
he? I took the wine and waited him out. When I thought he
had waited to the point of exploding, I told him fine. If
he could get me to react, I'd let him do whatever he
wanted. I still had a few tricks up my sleeves.

Chapter7 The Main Event

  He took me into his bedroom. I followed without protest.
Once there he pushed me onto his bed as roughly as he
dared. I kept a blank expression on my face. When he
ordered me to remove my shirt, I did nothing. He looked a
bit startled by that. Hey, the rules were laid out plain
enough. Get me to react. Just had no intention of doing it.
I was pissed off. No strings, huh? Try and get me drunk,
huh? Well, this game was going to be a bust if I could help
it.

  When he finally realized that there was going to be no
response of any kind, he took over completely. He reached
into his pocket and pulled out a pair of handcuffs.
Bastard! He had planned on them all along. Just made me
madder. He didn't know how mad I was though. Not so much as
a twitch off of me. Stu sat on the bed next to me and
pulled my hands behind my back to handcuff me. Then he
pulled my shirt up and over my head. With my hands firmly
together the shirt couldn't come off. It just restrained me
further.

  Then he undid the button to my shorts. Lifting my legs,
he eased them down around my ankles. Stu pushed in the
center of my chest and I fell backwards onto his bed. Now
my hands were completely trapped. Still got nothing from
me. I was busy shutting down. I mean that literally. I was
putting up walls in my head. Nothing was going to get
through. I was also regulating my breathing. My Mom had
loaned me some of her yoga books and I used the breathing
exercises pretty regularly. So, in essence, I slammed down
the mental "off" button with regard to anything happening
to my body.

  Now that my shorts were around my ankles, he then pulled
my white briefs to my mid thighs. Yup, that left me pretty
much hanging in the wind, so to speak. He said something
around the time he was ogling my semi-nakedness, but I
honestly don't remember what that was. I was so focused on
internals that externals kinda just didn't register. Even
the buzz from the wine was gone now. It was dawning on me
how dumb I was. Then the other shoe dropped.

  He had lit a candle and was dripping hot wax all over my
chest in patterns. I almost leapt out of my skin when the
drips hit my nipples. Yeah, they got hard. From the wax,
not from any excitement! I just clamped my teeth together
and didn't move. Any reaction and the asshole was going to
fuck my brains out. I also finally realized that it had
been a particularly bad idea to have placed the stakes that
I did. It was a shock to realize that he probably wouldn't
care if he hurt me when he did fuck me. Not exactly ideal
for a way to loose one's virginity. I had read 'some' gay
porn, so I wasn't oblivious to the fact that my first time
was going to hurt like hell to start with. Well, the only
way out that I could see was to finish this.


Chapter 8 End Game

  He began to get very frustrated with me. My will was
strong and I did not give in to anything he did. He tried
pinching, slapping, caressing, you name it, and it got
tried more than once. Nothing from me. I was getting
worried though, about what would happen when he did give
up. After all, he did have the keys to the handcuffs. Rape
was becoming a primary concern for me now. God, it was
stupid to accept this damn challenge in the first place!

  Stu even tried going down on me. It almost worked. The
minute I felt a response beginning to happen, I clamped
down on myself. I only had to remember the previous
bullshit he had pulled to keep my self from getting hard in
his frustrated mouth. My rage at him was growing by the
minute. How can you keep doing this when it is so obvious
that your would be 'partner' wants nothing to do with it?

  Finally, he gave up on trying to get me hard. Believe me,
I was relieved! I am pretty sure that if he had kept at it
long enough, I would have popped an erection despite my
efforts at controlling it. I wanted to vomit at the thought
of him actually managing to get me hard. Just as I thought
he had given up on the whole thing, he switched tactics on
me.

  He tried kissing me. His breath stank of Scotch. I almost
bit him when he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth. I
held myself back though. When this last ditch effort didn't
have the result he wanted, Stu finally gave up. Now came
the moment of truth... was he going to let me out of the
damn handcuffs? I got lucky, finally. He sat me back up and
unlocked the cuffs. Phew!!! I got on my feet and returned
my clothing to where they belonged... on my body! So ended
that game. I know now that I was incredibly lucky and that
it could have easily turned out for the worst possible.


Epilogue

  Yeah, I should have known better. Yes, I made mistake
after mistake. Fortune smiled but doesn't often. Stu
never did try to do or start anything again after that
incident. The cold shoulder I gave him the next day might
have had something to do with that. Maybe it was the guard
I acquired not long after that.

  Sebastian, Stu's cat started a new habit. It was summer
and I was sleeping in my room in nothing but undies. It was
about 95 degrees at midnight. Too hot to sleep with
anything more on. I am also a stomach sleeper; legs spread-
eagle during the summer. Anyway, I didn't have my door
completely shut. I wake up and there is this hot hairy
thing lying in my crotch.

  Sebastian had pushed my door open, jumped up on the bed
and curled up on the bed directly in my crotch. His head
was facing the door. I woke up because he was hissing
vehemently. When I raised my head and looked at the door
from over my shoulder, I saw Stu's head poked into my
room watching me. Apparently, Sebastian did not like either
of us being disturbed while we slept. I let him sleep
wherever he wanted after that. No more midnight visits from
roommates after that either.

  I moved out a couple of months after the game night. I
decided to stay friends with him. That only lasted a few
years after anyway due to other problems he caused for me.
To this day, I can't drink Scotch or Chablis wine. Makes me
ill just smelling them. Moral of the story... not all
knights ride white horses and are good people, and some
strings are transparent until pulled.

Joy and Heartbreak on Black Velvet

 Aaron had no idea how hurt I was over the painting. It was the second day of moving and we were trying to get the last of the stuff out of the apartment. In the closet in our bedroom was a black velvet painting of a mare and her foal in profile. Aaron hated it with an unholy passion. He just didn’t understand the significance of that painting for me. He was shocked when I burst into tears when he said he had damaged it accidentally and thrown it out. I ran to the dumpster

 The painting had been in my life since I was very little. The horses represented Britches and Lil’ Britches, two Thoroughbreds mom had been training back in Texas. Mom had loved those horses and it had hurt her giving them up. That painting was all that was left of a particular point in time when she, dad and I were all happy together. It went with her after they divorced. It hung in her house with her new husband and family for years after. When she finally felt able to let it go, it went to me. I understood its meaning. I understood that part of her life since I had shared it. I understood the trust in giving it to me and the gesture of love it represented.

 Aaron only saw it as an ugly black velvet painting. Anything on black velvet was simply tacky, tasteless and a thing to be endured. He wouldn’t let me hang it up in the apartment. What he really wanted was for me to toss it. Never once did he stop to ask why it meant so much to me. Sure, it had a couple gouges out of the paint. Ok, the black was a bit worn in some places. But it meant the world to me. The luminous eyes detailed in those to profiles held reflected memories for me. The white blaze down the noses was a reminder of those horses long gone. And they were a representation of a happier mother than any time since.

 I reached into the dumpster and pulled out the distressed driftwood frame that held the painting safely for so many years. I had put the painting in the bedroom closet to try and protect it from any further damage until we got a place where I could hang it in my own space out of his immediate sight. For over a year it had lain against the back of the closet, twin eyes peering over the redwood table in front of them. There was no room for my altar either so that too lived in the closet. I burst into fresh tears as I saw the huge hole torn through it. It may as well have been a rent in my heart. I couldn’t see what I held in my hands any more, the tears blurred everything.

 Aaron had followed me and was horrified by how hard I was crying. Between sobs, I told him why it was a big deal to me. He was crushed. It wasn’t his intention to hurt me or even the painting. He had just been a bit careless as he handled it. No real malice involved. He suggested we try to get it repaired. I thought about it as I held the frame in my hands. Then I said no as I lowered it back into the dumpster before ordering my reluctant fingers to let go. Done was done, past was past. It was time to let this piece of it go. But, as you can see, my mind still holds that painting, clear and fresh. That is the only reason I could let it go that day. It still exists within my heart, clean and undamaged even now.