LGBT, Gay, Writing, Poetry, Journal, Snark

My Wings are Clipped

I had a conversation tonight that I never expected. It really shook me and hurts beyond mere words. Sometimes I let things get to me that I shouldn’t, but I honestly don’t know if this is one of them. I suppose it could go either direction.

I was asked to be godfather for Madison, daughter of Devin and Meagan. It wasn’t something I really expected. As Meagan’s pregnancy progressed, she asked me to be there for the birth of Madison. She wanted me to be among the first people to hold her after she was born. I was honored, if a bit ill-at-ease with first hand, up-close and personal participation in the delivery room. It was worth it. Holding a tiny bit of a thing within minutes of her first breath. Feeling the warmth of her lil’ body pressed to mine.

Meagan’s reasoning at the time was that if anything happened to her and Devin, Madison would have someone that knew her from that earliest possible moment. They went so far as to make me guardian of Madison and later Allysa should the worst happen. I drew a line at two children, since I would not be able to care for more than that due to my health and physical limitations. I agreed though.

She is now pregnant with her third child. As we discussed, they need to find a new guardian. This is reasonable and I have no issue with it. It makes sense. The children should not be separated.

What floored me was the decision that I was also to be replaced as Madison’s godfather. I won’t go into the reason given, but I simply don’t understand it. It didn’t compute. I’ll respect the decision as it is her parents’ to make, but I am deeply hurt. I called Madison my Lil’ Pixie from the moment I saw her and took great delight in referring to myself as her Fairy Godfather.

I worked hard before she was born to put together a special gift for her, to be given after she was old enough to read. Each of her family members, all that could be reached, were asked to write Madison a letter. Each letter was to tell her the wishes, hopes and prayers for her life from that person. I got a special box and put those letters in it. I also wrote several letters myself, sealing them and putting directions on the outside for when to open them. I got a chest and began gathering other presents for it, all fairy related. On her fifth birthday, she would get this chest.

Meagan asked for the letters. Just the letters, nothing else. I was stunned. She felt that if I wasn’t her godfather any more, I should not have custody of those letters. So be it. I told her she gets the whole thing, all of it, not just the letters. She was puzzled. She assumed I would just destroy the rest, get rid of it or something. I almost dropped the phone, I was so startled. I told her that NO! I would NOT just destroy it all. I got those things for Madison. Each thing was chosen with love and care, they were Madison’s, not mine to just get rid of.

I am stunned. I will be dropping off the chest, with the letters and toys, today. Also the Christmas present for the girls I have been trying to get to them for months. Somehow, I think those things will never get to her. My heart aches and I am just numb.

Remember, there is two sides to this and you are only hearing my end of it. Still, a better explanation is needed for me to understand this. The one given was lame.


Comments on: "My Wings are Clipped" (5)

  1. reese harrell said:

    This brought tears to my eyes. Your writing evokes emotion within like few other people I’ve read – and I read a lot, especially since having been in publishing for a few years. Additionally, I can understand your pain and the anger at the assumption that you’d destroy or get rid of the gifts for Madison. How sad, all of it . . . I hope this has been resolved since.

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