I’ve been watching the antics of some of my younger gay friends and scratching my head. It seems like their personalities shift once they find that first love. These friends are in their very early 20’s and I am stunned with some of their choices. I don’t remember being quite so dramatic at their age, but perhaps that is because it is almost 2 decades ago when I was in their shoes. For all I know, I was worse, maybe.
I do remember the intensity. Every emotion was at a high pitch and every action seemed either perfect or doomed. I just don’t remember being all that vocal about it. Maybe that is the difference with internet and social sites. My drama can now be yours too. I do remember obsessing on the slightest cues, wondering if I was misreading the love of my life. Each word was either balm or dagger. Gack, I guess I was as bad, just internal with it.
Still, what is catching my attention with these friends is that they are losing themselves and their individuality to the relationship. A certain amount of change is to be expected, but to lose sight of yourself, well, that really isn’t all that healthy. It also causes problems in relationships. Not just the romantic ones, but also with your friends. It becomes difficult to know if your thoughts are yours or your partner’s.
It is also difficult because to mention the changes is to invite an end to the friendship as well. The words “You’re trying to break us apart!” will soon follow. I will put money on that. I watching some destructive behaviors and wondering at what point do I say something. Is it even my place to say anything? I tend to keep quiet on things like this until my advice is asked for. Unfortunately, in these scenarios, advice is not really looked for until doom is nigh. Thus the dilemma on saying anything at all.
Meanwhile, I will sit over here in my corner and out of the line of fire. Hopefully that will keep me out of trouble and able to help if called for. Sadly, if my own example at that age is any indicator, I’ll need a fire hose to put out the flames by then.