LGBT, Gay, Writing, Poetry, Journal, Snark

Up in Arms… Again.

While doing my daily trolling through the various LGBT news sites, I ran across this. It is a very telling and simple article. I have to say, again, I am tired of the Bi bashing that goes on. This article points out a very real issue. I was glad to see it aired.

I have on many occasions pointed out this issue. So, once again, I will put it out there. Bisexuality is real. It is not a phase of transition on the road to full gay/lesbian. I get furious with people, often gay men, that insist on this ignorant drivel of an idea. Bisexuals receive a double dose of discrimination and it is blatant. Heterosexuals scoff and say flat-out that bisexuals are gay. Then the gay men turn around and pull the exact same tired argument out.

I am focusing on bisexual men for the moment. Bisexual women also have similar issues but my direct experience with the biphobia is on the male side of things. There seems to be this stupid idea that if you have once put genitals of the same gender into any part of your body, you are now automatically gay. It doesn’t matter that the individual genuinely is attracted to both sexes. Heaven forfend that they enjoy the physicality of both. Nope, once you have had a same-sex experience, you are counted among teh gheys and are registered as such despite the reality.

Bisexuals are dismissed as flip-flopping sensualists only out for their own gratification. Since I am 99% certain I can’t even function with someone of the opposite sex, I am very certain that someone able to do so with either sex is definitely bisexual. My first love was bisexual. It didn’t bother me in the least. Ironically, it didn’t bother his girlfriend either. He was dating us both at the same time. Now what did get under our dual skin was that he hadn’t told either of us that he was dating the other. The issue was communication. That did end up being the true issue.

She and I got along fine, once we knew about each other. We talked it out and came to some reasonable conclusions. Certain things she could do, I couldn’t. Other things I did better than she did. We appreciated that he had a need and desire to experience and explore his sexuality with both of us for different reasons. I was of the mind, then, that I didn’t care about any girlfriends or sexual partners, he just better not touch another guy! She had the identical view concerning other women. Him dating a guy was nonthreatening to her.

Ultimately, both relationships failed. He felt he had to chose one or the other, despite our assurances that this was simply not true. He tore himself apart emotionally and took us with him for the ride. His deeply religious fundy mother scarred his psyche. In the end, he left us both. The difference, he came back to me 3 separate times seeking to reconnect and continue our relationship. In the end, despite my love for him, I realized that the relationship itself was unhealthy and broke it off permanently. I hope he finally found the person he needed for his happiness. I did.

Still, the point of this is that bisexual people get the raw deal from both ends of the spectrum. There is inherent distrust because most people can’t fathom how it works. Having desires for both sexes is an enigma to those that are monosexual. It just doesn’t compute. So, it leads to distrust and often abuse of bisexuals. This has got to stop. Let them be and accept the simple fact that they exist, that they are in every way just like us and deserve our support, friendship and advocacy. Accept that they get hassled and discriminated against from both ends of the monosexual spectrum. This is a fact.

I hate that human nature is inherently cruel. That the instinct to separate those that do not fit is so strong and given into without any introspection at all. The group mob mentality is unfortunately how society runs. The herd decrees the attitude and then blindly follows it off the cliff. Bitter, spiteful words are carelessly tossed off at those we don’t comprehend and every effort made to marginalize them. The ‘Isms’ reign supreme and unchallenged. Is it any wonder that it is difficult for bisexuals to comfortably stand to be counted within any community? Is it so hard to understand that their experiences are just as valid and in some respects, twice as hard to triumph over?

Question those gut feelings. Pause long and thoughtfully before letting loose those words that harm. Consider your own flaws and how you would feel having them denigrated. Ah, but remember, bisexuality is not of itself flawed. See how easy it is for the mind to slip back into old patterns and assumptions? Just as there are every kind of person in the heteronormative community, just as there is for the gay and lesbian community, there are all types of people that are bisexual. Don’t fall into the trap of generalization. Do not paint broadly with the brush of stereotypes. You know you hate it when it is applied to you, so why do it to another? Be wary of blindly believing the myths perpetuated against bisexuals. You know that they are only a tool of division. Cast them aside and start fresh. Assume nothing and question everything that you think you know. Condemn no one over a label.

We do not, to this day, understand how attractions work. We don’t know what causes them, what triggers that first moment when attraction reaches conscious awareness. That is true for all sexualities. We do not know. I sometimes wonder if we will ever know. Still, attraction is not controllable. It simply is. You might not act on them, but the attractions are still there, beneath the surface. Sexuality is a small part of our total lives. An important part for many, but only a part. There is so much more to being human and an individual. Celebrate that anyone can be themselves and should be able to live their lives openly, without fear of reprisal and perhaps even find whatever type of relationship that will sustain them through the years. Simply love, love simply and love for the sake of love.


Comments on: "Up in Arms… Again." (4)

  1. *thunderous applause*

  2. reese harrell said:

    This is a wonderful, well thought out and written piece! Thank you.

  3. A friend of mine referred me to this blog post, and I will have to thank her vehemently just as I now wish to thank you. This is very needed. I am appalled by the slut-shaming and mistrust that is directed towards bisexuals both from the heterosexual and the gay community. I appreciate you sharing your story. Very, very well said!

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